think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
