i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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