i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
