I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize