im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
