Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
