I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
