i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
