I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
