ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
even my farts smell like vagina
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No subtext here. People are naked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
