This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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