Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
