Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
