M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
