saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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