Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
