Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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