You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
