We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
