Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize