What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
