He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
two words: eviction party
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
