I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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