i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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