Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
