then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
