I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
