i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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