3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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