I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize