I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
