My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
