You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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