I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize