You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
