talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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