Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize