So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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