She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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