Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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