it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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