i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
