I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
