i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
