Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
