i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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