she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
