I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
