***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
