The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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