Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
