My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize