I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
