Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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