Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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