there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
