video games are the ultimate cock blocker
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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