dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
