After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please come you make the beer taste better
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
