What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
is it fun? or sober?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
