But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
