I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
