i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
