just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
