Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
