I'm really into asian looking animals
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
