There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
