I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
