Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
