Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
