If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize