nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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