Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
